Stuff Sick People Have to Put Up With: Tips for Being Diagnosed with a Long-Term Illness: Bitter Drunk Old Man Edition - Inspired by Zeppogirl
stuffsickpeoplehavetoputupwith:
Based on zeppogirl’s list here.
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Bitter, Drunk Old Man Edition:
1. BE BELLIGERENT - I cannot stress this enough. From the second you get sick, you need to LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON. Remember that not only is CAPS LOCK cruise control for cool, it’s also cruise control for not dying sooner than you have to. ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME will occasionally get you in trouble, and many people will think you’re a jerk, but on the other hand, you really are going to need this. Trust me.
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2. Develop an arsenal of witty, yet calmly vicious comebacks that you can whip out at a moment’s notice - People are going to say incredibly ignorant, misinformed, rude, and generally obnoxious things to you—-from telling you what you should and should not eat to, say, chastising you for sitting in the disability seats on a bus and not having a visible disability. A well-placed, vicious, yet calmly-delivered reply will silence your interlocutors every time.
Examples:
A. “It’s a little rude of you to be leaning on that counter-top, don’t you think?”
“No, actually, because I am dying of a chronic, incurable neurological disease that today is affecting my ability to stand up without leaning on things for support.”
B.“So, when are you getting better?”
“When I die.”
Etc.
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3. Keep records as meticulously as the prosecution team on the Casey Anthony case - Have every conversation, every file, every piece of paperwork, every loophole, every everything documented. When someone (a physician, a health insurance rep., a nurse, an MRI tech) tries to give you shit, whip out the applicable paperwork and cite from it. (See also #1 on this list).
Example:
A. “Oops, we sent your medication via FedEx instead of via UPS.”
Sample response: “Oh, really? That’s the 3rd time you’ve lied to me, claiming you were sending it UPS and then sending it FedEx anyway. The other three times were on Date #1, Date #2, and Date #3. Now (*pulling out binders of paperwork*), I’ve been doing some research, and I discovered that the reason why your company prefers FedEx is because it’s more cost-effective. While I understand that you are striving to fulfill your superiors’ orders regarding cost-management, I am pretty sure that if you just send my medication UPS it’s not going to cut into your investors’ 4th quarter earnings. Also, in the event my medication is damaged because you’ve consistently refused to send it via the method I have indicated is superior for my geographic area and type of residence, the release you have on file for me becomes null and void and I will sue you to reimburse the cost of the damaged medication. Which is more expensive, doing it my way, or paying for a $40,000 per year medication?”-
4. Remember that everyone expects you to fail at life now. - Screw them. Prove them wrong. Climb to the top of your class, or program, or workplace anyway. Don’t give anyone the satisfaction of pitying you. Always strive to be the best at whatever it is you do. Not “your best”——the best. Never forget that you will always have to work three times as hard as your healthy, able-bodied colleagues. Does that make you angry? Good. Channel that anger into outdoing them. All of them. They want you to fail, so don’t let them. Rage is your most important tool now.
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5. Forget about your family and friends - Zeppogirl also mentioned this, but I’d like to be a bit more brutal in my wording. It’s pretty much a known scientific fact that your friends and family will abandon you when you are chronically ill. Study after study has shown this to be the case. As a chronically / acutely ill or disabled person, you’re also more likely to be abused, neglected, and generally taken advantage of. Assume no one cares. Assume no one will be there. Learn very quickly how to take care of yourself and do things for yourself with no help. This may mean learning new ways to do familiar things, or finding novel ways to do novel things. Don’t even give them a chance to reject you or disappoint you; don’t ask for help. Take care of yourself.
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6. That said, since you now know how much it sucks to be abandoned…- Don’t repeat with others what your family and friends are doing to you. Help people. Be kind. Try to make a positive difference in strangers’ lives. When you die, the world should be a better place because you were here.
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7. Remember, you are going to die - Probably sooner than most people. If you don’t do something memorable while you are here, no one will ever know that you lived. Excel, kick ass. It’s the best revenge you could ever have. Denial will not help you. “Positive thinking” will not help you. The sooner you accept the fact that you are going to die and then move forward, the better you’ll fare. Added bonus: when you do die, you can die with grace, having already come to terms with your fate.
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Inspired by, and related to this post.
